Playing catch-up 👀

Well, it’s October, and I feel like I can finally breathe again after a crazy summer.

We have been busy traveling, for one. We went to Michigan and Seattle at the beginning of September for family trips. Then I went to Nashville for our annual Rodan + Fields Convention. And while I was there, Bryan found out he won tickets to SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE through their lottery, and the tickets were for MY BIRTHDAY, so you bet your ass that we flew to New York to see that! (Whole separate post coming about that because it was just...incredible.) Then last weekend was Connor’s SECOND BIRTHDAY (hey, make sure to read the update on the first three months of his life, since that’s as far as I got in the past 24 months 😂.) And now we’re HERE! Beginning, almost mid-freaking October somehow.

Also in September, I started a new job. I began my job hunt at the end of July, and wouldn’t you know, at the beginning of August, I was let go from my job. I worked at my last agency for almost 4 years. I sensed something was going on and definitely felt like layoffs were probably on the horizon (hence part of the reason I had started looking around). While I thought I could potentially be affected by such an event due to the team I was on and the position I held, there is always that part of you that thinks, "No way. I'm way too valuable..."

Needless to say, when it happened, I was shocked that it was actually happening, but also not really. And no matter how "prepared" you are for a layoff, I don't think anyone can actually be prepared. This is the second time in my career that my job has been affected by a layoff/restructure, and the 4th time I've experienced on at my organization. Each time has been harder than that last.

Aside from the ego blow, the hardest part for me is leaving my co-workers. At every job, I’ve been so fortunate to work with such awesome people, and I’ve collected small groups of best friends at each company. Blue Chip was no different, and actually, many of co-workers from previous jobs all came to work at Blue Chip, so I got the awesome chance to work with them again! The people were what kept me there for so long, and I hated saying goodbye.

In any case - I have a new job at a new agency, that is focused not only on digital products, but also on CONTENT, which as you know, is what I do and love. So far, I’m really enjoying it, although it sucks to be the new girl and I’m ready to make some friends.

And you know, there are worse times to be laid off than summer! I was able to have about 6 weeks off, which, when you think about how long it takes to find work, is actually a pretty quick turnaround!

In the first few weeks, I was heads down applying for jobs. Everyone kept telling me to "enjoy" my time off, and I tried, but at the beginning, I was just super anxious about money and what would happen after my severance ran out. I felt guilty if I didn't spend all day most days applying for work or connecting with people. Eventually, I was able to add in some activities and once I started getting some interviews, it was much easier to relax. I made a "bucket list" and was able to do almost everything on it! I went on a field trip with Liam and we had a "date day" where I picked him up from school early and we went bowling and saw a movie. I went to movies by myself. Bryan and I went to a Cubs game. I got a lot of house projects done. I had lunch and happy hours with friends I hadn't seen in awhile. I went to Target. ALONE. I saw all my doctors (dentists, eye, derm, etc). So it was actually a great period to refresh and recharge, and honestly, I could have done about 4 more weeks, lol. The ONE thing on my bucket list I didn't do is migrate this blog to a different platform, but my goal for that is by the end of the year. It just involves deleting a bunch of old content that's stupid.

Anyhoo—just wanted to catch up quickly. I owe a post about Saturday Night Life and have a couple of other things heavy on my heart to talk through at some point, too.

Before I go, I also wanted to say that I so appreciate all of the love and support I got from ya'll on my last blog post. I can't tell you how humbling and heartwarming it is to hear you all tell me that you love my writing, even if what I'm saying is not that important. So thank you.
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Breaking the Silence

In this moment, I'm sitting on my porch, and it's quiet. It's Tuesday night, the sun has set, a candle is burning, my tiki lights are on, and it's quiet. It's July, but it's a cool, perfect, 69 degrees outside. I'm wearing a cozy sweatshirt, my cozy slippers, and drinking a glass of wine. It's quiet.

My oldest loves are downstairs or in bed. My littlest love has been sleeping since our evening dance party ended two hours ago. The kitchen is cleaned up. Lunch prepped for tomorrow. Laundry still needs folding. Work emails to be answered. But here I sit. Just me. In the quiet.

Quiet, you see, is not something I come by easily. Even when the sounds around me are still, the noise in my head is louder than any child ever could be. Always thinking of the next to-do, setting mental reminders to call my parents, sisters and friends; to wish so-and-so a happy birthday, don't forget to text my R+F customer, and holy shit, can you just start working out already? It's exhausting, really.

I spoke today to a group of bright-eyed interns about what I do in my job, and how I got to this point in my career. I was asked to talk about my career path and my passions. Of course, I proclaimed that writing is my passion. I quickly moved on, on to my next point, but I must have lingered long enough because when it was time for Q&A, the first question asked was, "Do you miss writing?"

Of course, I said, but it's OK because I have a blog as a creative even though I don't get to do as much writing at work as I wish I could, I'll always have that.

Next question: What's your blog, and what do you write about?

Pause. (Why are these kids so interested in my blog?!)

I tell them the name of my blog, talk about its evolution from shitty weird thing where I had nothing to talk about and how it's cringe-inducing to go back and read most of that stuff. Then I talked about how it's now a lifestyle/mommy long and bored them with why I found it important to talk about the 'real' side of parenting and pregnancy and marriage, for example. (What's that, 22 year olds? You don't care? Sorry, I'll move on.) To recover, I threw out that I also blog about the Bachelor and Bachelorette, and that got a reaction. Back in their good graces.

As I was driving home, I got to thinking about how much I felt like a...phony, maybe? Why did I even mention my blog, I thought? It's not like I'm updating it! I'm not even blogging about the Bachelorette (even though it's the best season, ever!! Where my Tyler C. fans at?) I felt stupid for mentioning it, thinking about any one of them googling, "Raves and Revelations," and coming here to see that my last publish date was...

February 2018?!?! But...that's A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. Like...what? I mean, life has been busy but no one, certainly not me, is THAT BUSY.

So here I sit. I have a million other things I think I should be doing, but I couldn't resist the quiet, or my pineapple lights, the cool air, or the feeling that I want to sit down and write. Something I haven't felt in a long time.

Honestly, I think what's happened is that, as I often do, I put too much pressure on myself. Nothing new, either...typical feelings, like fear to write openly about how I feel about x, y or z; is this blog worthy? or will anyone care? Things like that.

But here's the good news: In the past 1.5 years since I've written a word that I feel "worthy" of publishing, I've hitched a ride to the self-development train. I've learned a lot about fears and feeling inadequate and holding yourself back, and why that is no way to live your life (thank you, Rachel Hollis).

So, I hope this is the first post of many more to come, on a much more regular basis, and without so much worry and thought devoted to if whatever I want to talk about is right or wrong, or if anyone gives a shit, or if there is a typo.

But if its not, and these are the last words I write for another 1.5 years, know that tonight, I came here and during the mere 30 minutes it took me to write down these thoughts, I was surrounded by things I love, like candles, lights, wine, sweatshirts, summer nights and motivation. It was quiet.

And I broke the silence.
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Connor: Months 1, 2, 3

I heard about second child syndrome before I had one (you know, where the second child doesn't get all the same love, attention and fanfare that the first child did?), but didn't believe it. I'm a second child after all, and haven't experienced such a thing!

It exists.

Case in point: My monthly updates, which I did religiously for Liam, both while in utero and out, have ceased to exist. #momfail.

But, my philosophy in life has always been better late than never, so here's some highlights of Connor over the past few months. In short: He's perfection.

Despite being born 4 weeks early, Connor has been a big boy since day one. He weighed 7lbs, 4 oz at birth and was 20 inches long. At one month, he weighed 9lbs, 8oz and was 21 inches long. At two months, he clocked in at 13.66 lbs and 23.25 inches long, and at 3 months, 14.69lbs and 24 inches long. He's a super chunk with cheeks for days, and I could eat him up!

Eyes & Hair
Still developing, but there is a good chance they'll be brown. For now, they are looking hazelish, and are big and beautiful! His left eye has had a blocked tear duct since birth that I'm hoping clears up soon!

His hair is brown and really starting to grow more and more. He wasn't born with as much hair as Liam, or as dark. After losing some hair, it's starting to fill in more! I'm worried about flat head!

  • His hands, especially his fist. He frequently shoves the whole thing into his mouth
  • Kicking, especially on his piano mat
  • Talking...he'll sit and coo forever. 
  • Jumping and standing on our legs, or any hard surface.
  • Bathtime
  • Eating
  • Snuggles...he is my snuggly boy
  • Butt pats
  • Sticking his tongue out 
  • Smiling and playing with his brother

Honestly, like Liam, Connor is super chill and there's not much he doesn't like. If I had so say anything, it's being overstimulated or overtired, and tummy time. Definitely doesn't like that.

Like a rockstar, praise the Lord! We recently moved Connor from sleeping in a rock 'n play next to our bed to sleeping in his crib in his own room. He sleeps 11-12 hours a night, usually going down between 7-8pm and waking up usually 6-7am. He takes 3 solid naps during the day, and sometimes has a little catnap in the early evening. As we approach 4 months, I'm DREADING the sleep regression and hoping it never comes! (knock on wood)

I'm still nursing and pumping exclusively, which is working great so far! He eats about every 3-4 hours still, 4-6oz when taking a bottle, and about 30 minutes when nursing. Chow hound!

  • Incredible head/neck and leg strength. He can hold his his head pretty steady, but still gets wobbly from time to time. We're still working on lifting his head up when he's on his belly, but he does a good job when he's on our chests and holding his head up.
  • He can "stand" on our legs for long periods of time. 
  • Grasping and gripping toys
  • Tracking with his eyes
  • Smiling and cooing
  • Sitting up with support (like a bumbo or sit me up, and sometimes a little pillow behind the head
  • Sleeping all night

Connor is such an easy baby. I love watching him grow and engage. He's the perfect addition to our family and I love him so much!

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