10 thoughts about quarantine life - #11
Superhero Saturday. We have a box of about 50 masks from Liam’s 4th birthday party. Connor didn’t want to wear his Superman masks.
And just like that, we’re nearing the end of week 7.
I recognize that I’ve been writing my posts when I’m not in the best headspace, and it may come across that I’m dying over here. I’m not dying over here. I mean, sometimes I’m dying over hear, but generally, we’re alive.
I think it’s OK to be honest about where I’m at, where we’re all at, which is not all sunshine and rainbows…but positivity and perspective are important too, so I’ll work on mustering up a little bit more of that.
Speaking of POSITIVE THINGS…the designs for this little blog of mine are done! I’ve picked a logo, I’ve picked a color palette, I’ve chosen fonts, and a template. Next up…implementation! My sweet friend and designer, Kate, will be working on that in the next couple weeks and I can’t wait. It’s one thing in my life bringing me joy.
This week, I’m changing it up and sharing 10 observations from 47 days in quarantine:
The days are long, but the weeks are short.
I can’t quite fathom how it’s already Friday, and I really can’t fathom how it’s been 7 weeks of this new reality. Also unfathomable—how we’re going to realistically do this for another 7+ weeks. And while some days start in the early morning and don’t end until 2-3am…the actual weeks themselves have gone really fast. I can only hope that continues until we are slowly released back into the world….
Isolation and intensive parenting are an awful combination.
That’s it on that thought.
My boys are awesome.
Are they crazy? Yes. Loud? Yes. Needy? Yes. Annoying? Yes. Naughty? Yes. But, they are also sweet. And funny. And smart. And eager. And excitable. And adaptable. And they are doing an awesome job in all of this. Yes, they drive us crazy most of the time, but they are GENERALLY well behaved little demons, and I do finding myself appreciating all of the time we’re spending together more and more. They play together, tell each other they’re best friends, say “thank you, brother,” and Liam is such a good big brother to Connor. It’s truly a joy to watch them grow up right now. And they are growing up. Both of them—from height to vocabulary to mannerisms and skills—both seem like they’ve aged about 5 years in these past several weeks.
4. My husband is incredible.
My husband and I are complete opposites in many—actually, most—ways. He’s unfazed by most things, while I get…fazed. He lets things roll off his shoulders, while I internalize everything. Needless to say, we’re each dealing with our current environment differently. But, he has been the best partner throughout all of his. He’s been great at taking the lead with the boys, and lately has been picking up my slack in the parenting window, as my days have been consumed with meetings and he has a little more “time.” (Of course, he really doesn’t have more time, just not as many meetings.) My boys love their dad, and he is their preference, all of the time. I know it’s exhausting for him. It’s exhausting for me. In any case, we’ve always made a great team, but I feel closer to him through all of this. He entertains my crazy, knows when I need a break (a couple of weeks ago, he excused me to our room after no one would eat the dinner I made because I “looked like I was going to kill someone.” Anyway, he’s great, and also nice to look at, which are important qualities right now, you know?
5. Trader Joe’s is the best grocery store, always, but especially during COVID19.
I hadn’t been yet, and have been going to a smaller local store, but last time I went, I got bumped into and was put off by others behaviors. Then I started order from Instacart, but got sick of that quickly. So I decided to brave the elements and get to TJ’s for some favorites. They are doing it right. They limit the number of people in the store, so while there is a line to get in, it moves quickly. Once inside, there are so few people in there, you feel safe. Items were fully stocked—the ONE thing one my list they didn’t have were dill pickles. Checking out, they keep you behind a line, they have a barrier for when you go up to pay, and the cashiers are masked and gloved. And through all of this, the employees are still their joyful, kind selves. It was honestly the only safe in-person shopping trip I’ve had recently and I will be back!
Masked and ready to grocery shop!
6. Dare I say we are…getting into a groove?
We wake up (still not as early as I should or want to), and I am usually able to get my workout in while Bryan handles breakfast with the boys. While Liam has his Zoom class, Connor will either participate, or is allowed to have some free time (which includes a screen if he chooses), and Bryan and I can tackle work or meetings. After 10am, it’s a bit of a free for all. If one of us has a meeting, the other is on duty, if both have meetings, the boys get to watch something educational (or sometimes not…) and if neither has meetings, we both set up at the table and the boys play around us. We do a lot of legos, blocks, painting, coloring, imaginative play, etc. I try to get the boys outside for about an hour before we have lunch. Then after lunch, Connor naps from about 130/2-430/5pm and Liam has quiet/independent time in his room until 4pm. That’s when we hunker down and get to work, or have more meetings. And once we get to about 5/530pm, it’s our regular routine of dinner, playtime, baths and relax time. After bed, we’re both usually back on our laptops, making up for lost time from the day, and we try to squeeze in some relax time for ourselves, too. While this all makes for a long day, we’re kind of used to it now, despite how every day looks a little different, and every day is it’s own type of chaos, and some days are really good, while others are really, really bad.
7. But…why is no one talking about how unsustainable this is for working parents?
Despite the fact that we’ve gotten into a “groove,” however fucked up it is, it’s a grueling schedule. The boys get more screen time than I would like to admit. There is still a lot unproductive time in my “work” days because I just can’t manage more than the meetings on my calendar. I still get bogged down in messes. And yes, I know I am supposed to be lowering my standards and being easy on myself. Trust me, my standards are already low. I’ve wondered, many times, how any of this is sustainable. As parents, we’re now full-time caregivers, teachers, emotional support, and friends to our kids. On top of a full-time job that is supposed to take up a full day. While Bryan and I both work for understanding and flexible bosses, and while we’re able tag in and tag out as needed for work commitments during the work day, we’re still struggling. As long as schools continue to be closed and childcare is shut down and working parents are expected to work 40 hours…parents need a plan.
8. I wonder how much I actually miss humans.
Because I’m constantly surrounded by at least three people, we get outside every day, I am always on a screen talking to co-workers, and we live away from our family already…most days I don’t feel like I miss human interaction. I’m getting human interaction. But then I have happy hours with my girlfriends or see friends in passing when we’re on a walk, and my reaction is sadness because I want to hug them, or because I am sick of the virtual hanging. It’s wonderful, and better than nothing, but just not the same. That said, I don’t think I realize how much I actually miss people and interactions, and I don’t think I will until the time comes when we can all be together again, normally.
A beautiful day at the park.
9. A virtual social life is so much more stressful than a real social life.
I’m don’t actually know if I’m an introvert or an extrovert. I love being a homebody, but I also love being a social butterfly. The days, nights, weekends that I get to sneak away with friends for drinks, dinner or getaways—they fuel my soul. That is my self-care. And my husband has/had those too, but I don’t get the sense that he misses it quite as much as I do. Bryan has always been gracious in respecting that, and while he makes fun of my “social calendar,” he knows I need that time, so as long as I communicate with him and we make a plan, it’s all good.
But now in this time of quarantine, I find that planning virtual hangs with my friends gives me more guilt than if I were to leave the house. When my boys are awake, unless I’m in a VIP work meeting, I need to be fairly present. So does Bryan. There are few moments of any day that either of us gets a break, unless it’s before 7am, or after 9pm.
Normally, it’s easy to say, “Hey, I’m grabbing dinner and drinks with friends after work on Tuesday, don’t wait up.” In other words, you’re flying solo with the boys and I won’t be home until after bedtime. But now, when my friends want to get together for a drink at 4pm on a weekday or 8pm on a weekend, or for brunch on Sunday, it’s kind of hard for me to tell my husband, “Hey, I’m going to go drink online with my friends while you take care of the kids for the 48th day in a row after you just took care of them all day and you haven’t had a break to do the same thing, is that cool?”
Again, because he is awesome, he usually doesn’t care, and I’ve been mindful of when I schedule hangouts, shooting for during nap time, or after bedtime if possible. But, the guilt is still there.
10. I know that in the distant future, I’m going to miss this time.
No, I won’t miss being stuck inside and not being allowed to do any of the things we love to do, like eating out, playing at the park, traveling, or seeing other humans. But even on the hardest days, I do recognize that this family time is time we don’t get back. My boys, while young and active and hard to manage right now, are also in such a sweet stage of their lives. And we’re having fun together, most of the time. I know that once we have to get back to the hustle and bustle of going to work and to school and rushing around, and my time with them is limited to just a few hours and the weekend, I’ll think back to these crazy ass days, and I’ll miss them.
How’s that for perspective and positivity? I tried anyway…
