Bachelor Recap: Teen Mom Goes Home

It's hometown week! You know, the one where all the girls profess their love and one of the families is paid a little extra to give The Bachelor some shit.

Or, in the case of this season, all of the girls say they love Ben, but don't actually tell him, and the families are aggressively possessive of their sisters/daughters.

Again, I'm left wanting a little more drama this week, but in its place, we had screaming toddlers, sexual innuendos at a food truck, a girl auditioning to be The Bachelorette, and a mom chugging wine from the bottle her sons interrogate Ben.

I guess when I put it like that...

Amanda's hometown: Laguna Beach
First of all, girlfriend needs to put on some pants and a shirt with shoulders. (Short shorts go for you too, Ben.)

Second of all, as a fellow mama, I can't and won't make any judgements about Amanda's girls or their crying. C'mon—cut poor Charley a break. She's what, like 2? Not to mention seeing her mom for the first time in weeks and being surrounded by cameras while meeting a strange man would be a lot for anyone.

In the same vein, we've gotta cut Ben some slack, too. They, of course, showed shots of him making faces about the crying, etc. EVERYONE gets annoyed at children crying. Even parents get irritated by their children crying. It's a normal reaction, and not one that automatically means he's not ready to be a dad.

But. He's not ready to be a dad.

Amanda's parents are nice enough but wonder if Ben is too young to be a father. Let's all remember that Ben is actually a year OLDER than Amanda. Cue Amanda saying that she'll be crushed if she goes home this week. 

Which we all know means she's going home this week.

Lauren B.'s hometown: Portland
Lauren B. gets points for best "alone time" portion of the hometown. Food trucks and a whiskey library? (Ahem, Lauren, it is LIBRARY—not liberry.) Even I was turned on by that, and I'm a lady!

I think we can all agree that Lauren's family is the most attractive family anyone has ever seen. We finally get to meet her Dad, aka her life-long crush. Her sister is cool AF, and I have an instant crush on her. Ben probably does, too.

If it wasn't clear to you before, I hope you can see after this date that how CLEAR it is that she is going to win. From the way they greet each other to the way Ben CRIED to his future sister-in-law, there's just no way Lauren doesn't win.

Caila's hometown: Randomville, Ohio
Don't forget, Caila has moved more than the average human (times 12), so as she told us at least 15 times last night, she doesn't have "deep roots." As a result, she chose the most picturesque town in Middle America and called it home for the night.

PS: Her dad owns a toy company. And not just any toy company. STEP2. My fellow parents out there can attest, this is not a small company. Is it a "thing" for people to move 27 times because of that?

Not gonna lie, I was bored to tears during this date. Caila doesn't feel real to me. She feels rehearsed, and like she's watched this show enough to know what to say and when. The whole "Daddy, I love him!" scene was painful and barf-inducing. And again, I feel like ABC is hitting us over the head to make sure we know she's Filipino (aka SHE'S DIVERSE!). AKA: She's the next Bachelorette. Mark my word.

Also: Her mother's adult braces...

JoJo's hometown: Dallas
Ah, JoJo. Thanks for the memories, girl. Where to start...

First, JoJo arrives to her (hotel? house?) in Dallas and sees a dozen roses on the front porch, and assumed they were from Ben. Halfway through the note that came with the flowers, she realizes it's actually from her ex, Chad. What was supposed to be big drama, fell flat for me. UNLIKE JoJo's hair, which was probably styled by Chad because he is, in fact, a hair stylist.

Back at JoJo's house, her brothers, one of whom starred in a reality TV show, Ready for Love, share that they're protective of JoJo. I didn't get the feeling it was a "I'm a big brother looking out for my sister," it was more of, "If I can't sleep with my sister without getting arrested, no one can!"

Seriously, though.

The brothers basically spend the date interrogating Ben, and JoJo. Meanwhile, JoJo's mom chugs champagne straight from the bottle (a natural maternal response in such a situation), and JoJo's mom seems surprised to learn that there are still three other girls in the picture. For what I'm sure will not be the last time this season, again, I ask: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHOW BEFORE?

Also, JoJo is not to worry about getting heartbroken because she is beautiful.

That she is, Mama Fletcher. Her beauty and her breasts saved her this week, and we indeed, said goodbye to Amanda.


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