This Week on Bachelor High

I woke up feeling a little sad today because I found myself feeling, dare I say...excited about tonight's show. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

I blame it on the fact that first and foremost, I like Ben. And second of all, the producers brought the crazy last week, and it's been a while since we've had that on this show. What can I say, I'm a sucker for drama.

Episode opens with all ladies regretting acting like drunken sailors at the first Rose Ceremony. Oh wait, no, that was just Lace.

A quick camera span and I notice how much prettier many of these girls seem this week. More relaxed? Less drunk? More clothes? All of the above?

Even with the first few interviews, I decide I still like JoJo and Leah (I'm forgiving her for bending over on a first date). I still hate the twins, and Ben's haircut.

Group Date #1
Peter takes 10 girls to "Bachelor High," where they team up and have to "make Ben's volcano blow" and pass apples from mouth to mouth. I feel like they're suggesting something?

Ultimately, one gal will be Ben's Homecoming Queen. Amber and Mandi are the final contenders and the winner is chosen in a foot race. Mandi, who is wearing high-waisted, camel-toe palazzo pants that are unflattering even on her, wins much to America and Ben's dismay.

On to the cocktail party, where little Benny's no kissing rule goes out the window, laying one on Becca, Jennifer AND Jubilee. I'm on the fence with Jennifer. I *think* I like I like her attitude and the things that come out of her mouth, but there's something I'm not sold on yet....Lace continues her crazy by saying she's really NOT crazy. It's too bad really, because she's actually KIND OF pretty. Also, when you start a sentence with "I know I'm coming off a little crazy..." it's because you are.

The longer Ben and Lace talk, the more I feel like they look alike. Is this reality or just the red wine?
I'll tell you what, Ben's putting it down with these ladies. He's making eye contact, he's smooth talking, he's making moves, kissing Becca, Jennifer, Jubilee AND JoJo. I'm a little shocked! But I like it.

Also, this is so bitchy, but it has to be said: Mandi is not pretty. JoJo gets the rose!

Back at the house, and Olivia stuns all of America with how very big her mouth is. Like, I've never seen anything bigger? (#thatswhatshesaid). She's never been more surprised as when Caila gets the one-on-one. It's FRIGHTENING!

Caila's one-on-one
First, I'd be remiss if I didn't remind you that last week, Caila told us that as she watched The Bachelor, she thought Ben was cute and so she broke up with her boyfriend. Not only her boyfriend, but a guy she seriously considered marrying. She's a big believer in fate, guys, which ultimately means winning The Bachelor is not hers.

Apparently, Kevin Hart and Ice Cube are hard up for cash, because they're taking Ben and Caila on a date. I mean, I'm sure Ice Cube could use the publicity, but what the hell is Kevin Hart doing here? To say they are both seem out of place on this show and on this date is an understatement, but at least they are bringing some racial diversity. (You were thinking it, too.)

I feel confused after this date. Confused as in, nothing happened except we saw naked Kevin Hart AND Amos Lee. What is AMOS LEE doing here? He's too awesome for The Bachelor. Ben agrees as he basically starts to cry tears of joy at this performance.

Group Date #2
The girls strip down to no clothes so that science can tell them who Ben will most likely love. The twin declare they don't know much about science and they aren't "smart." The date really went downhill from there.

Sam, aka Cake Face aka sad-dad-story aka Sour Smell, continues to not impress me. It's like, I need her to clear her throat.
Shushanna apparently does speak English  and Olivia, as it turns out, is proving to not be quite as nice as we thought last week. Do we think she's had a nose job? Or is it that she needs one?

The ladies go back to Ben's pad, and Olivia continues to piss everyone off by stealing time with Ben. Amanda FINALLY (hasn't it been like, 24 hours since they've started the show?) tells Ben about her TWO kids.

PS how is she only 25 with two kids? I only wish her voice wasn't 100 decibels too high and that she didn't say "like" after every word, or I might like her.

Olivia gets the rose and is stabbed with 1 million eye daggers.

Cocktail Party
My favorite part of every episode. Ben's rocking a three-piece suit and I dig it.

Lace rambles on about how she needs time with Ben and then spends it talking about how she was such an ugly duckling and that's a lot for her to have told him. I'm worried Lace's time is almost up, but don't worry - she is going straight to Bachelor in Paradise.

Lauren B. (not to be confused with LB) seems completely unimpressed by Ben's thoughtful gesture of giving her a printed photo of them. I'm not sure if I dig her LIGAS (like I give a shit) attitude or if I find it annoying, but Ben digs it. She may go farther than I thought.

LB shocks everyone and leaves instead of accepting Ben's rose. Who was she again?

Cake Face (Sam), Mandi and Jackie all go home.

New Final Four Predictions:
1. JoJo
2. Amanda
3. Olivia
4. Caila

Other insights:
I think Sean coming on the show in the first episode and telling Ben that he didn't really get interested in Catherine (now his wife and baby mama) until a few weeks in was foreshadowing that some of the women who seem to be leading the pack are not the ones to watch. I have a feeling a dark horse could steal the show in the next couple of weeks...but which one?! Maybe Lauren or Amanda? Even Jennifer?

Characters that I can identify so far this season:
Olivia: The "I'm not here to make friends" girl + "We just have so much chemistry"
Lace: The Crazy Girl/Villain (although Olivia plays this role, too!)
Caila: The "Girl Next Door"
Amanda: The Mom
Leah: The Tomboy

P.S: Who has seen UNREAL on Lifetime? I watched last year and SHOCKINGLY (as in not shocking at all) became obsessed. But since watching, it's hard to watch this show without thinking of UNREAL. We all know that the producers have a large hand in what people say in their interviews, the edit they get, playing a "character," etc. It's hard not to watch this show now and being able to identify the "heavily produced' moments.

Thoughts? Tell me your predictions!


  1. I could not have said this all better myself. I was thinking the same things throughout the entire episode! And I have thought Lace and Ben look like brother and sister since I first saw them together. That GIF of Olivia is hilarious and I can't wait to send it to Brian (yes, he watches too!) And I don't know if you were watching the after show, but someone said Lace is like if Ashley S. and Kelsey from Soules' season had a baby. SPOT ON.

    1. Oh, and I also watch Unreal and feel the same way about watching Bachelor now, so much that Brian gets annoyed with me because I'm like, they just did that because the producer told them to!

  2. Olivia's mouth was just horrific! I mean I laughed at it because she sat with it open like that gif for a good couple of minutes.

    I really wanna say that Ben ends up with Lauren. As long as Lace is not in the picture, I think he will be good!


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