Bachelor Recap: Olivia's Losing Her Shit

I know, I know - I'm so late in posting! My excuse is I've been battling some kind of virus all week and after I get Liam down for bed, I have enough energy to eat dinner, watch my shows and sleep. BUT, I thought I'd knock this out over lunch today because this week was too good to skip.

Let's get to it! The theme of this week? Olivia's losing shit, ya'll!

The episode opens with Chris H. letting the ladies know that Ben is no longer in California because he has moved Vegas! Can we stop for a second an talk about the fact that some of the ladies actually look like they believe that Ben has just decided that he's changed his mind on the whole "finding love" thing and gone home? And then can we talk about how excited they get when they learn their next destination is VEGAS? Clue #159 that most of the ladies here are age 25 and younger.

Also, why is Chris selling Vegas as the "Marriage Capital of the World?" Pretty sure it's the last place anyone thinks of when they think about a long, stable marriage. ANYWAY, off they go.

I also need to pause for a second (this could be a long one with all these pauses, we're only about 5 minutes into the show) and discuss instances like the marquee message from "Ben." The girls all gush about how cute and sweet it is. They can't really think Ben did that, right? I know it's a produced moment, you know it's a produced moment. Can the girls really not just like, acknowledge that, too? #petpeeve

Date #1 goes to my girl, JoJo! This date felt SUPER skimmed over to me. We basically only saw them get blown away by a helicopter (nice planning, producers), go to dinner and have a boring conversation about trust issues, then watch fireworks over the skyline. They spent as much time showing the girls watching the the date as we did on the date itself. Footage or not, I still love JoJo, still think she's definitely top 4, maybe even top 2, material.

Next up is the group date with everyone except Becca. These ladies get the pleasure of a talent show, which if not mortifying enough for some, becomes so when they learn they have to perform said "talents" in front of 1200 people AND national television. Even if you actually had a talent, this date would be the worst to be on. I'm having my own panic attack just thinking about it.

It appears that these ladies literally have zero talents, with the exception of Jubilee, who can, of course, play the cello (what can't she do?) and the twins, who can Irish tap dance and are actually decent. The other acts included juggling, hula dancing, a girl dressed as a clown, and another girl dressed as a chicken...(Where's that chicken lady from the first episode when we need her?). And lest we not forget the girl who dressed like a Vegas show girl, jumped out of a cake and performed THE MOST AWKWARD striptease (? is that what it was?) ever.

So, I have to saw, that while I was as horrified as you, as Ben, as the other girls...I have watched this show (and UNREAL) long enough to know that producers were behind that whole thing. Sure, she may have decided on the "showgirl" thing herself, but the whole cake thing and the comments she made about standing all WREAKED of producers telling her that she could really impress Ben if she did this. Who can blame the girl for having a panic attack after that monstrosity? Let it be known, I am not an Olivia fan, but in this scene, watching her have a little "come to Jesus" about the fact that she is not, in fact, invincible.

But, all of that quickly went away during the cocktail party that night. Olivia's attempts to apologize for herself continually and further embarrass herself screamed insecurity, and not in a way that made me feel bad for her this time. This entire episode, again, makes it so clear that Olivia is not going to win this thing, not even close, and Ben is starting to see her crazy. Comments like, "Ben is my piece," "I'm zen with Ben, " etc etc don't do her any favors...just like the outfit she wore the night of the group date.

And who can forget the other countless awkward moments of the night - starting with Ben calling Caila a Sex Panther? Does she sting the nostrils, Ben, in a good way? How about Lauren H., whom I find to be uber annoying, and making out with a puppet, aka Little Ben?

Lauren B. gets the rose this date. You guys are kidding yourselves if you don't think she makes it to the final 2.

Becca gets the second 1-1, and the most hideous dress in all the land shows up with her name on it. Upon meeting Ben at the chapel, where he greets her on one-knee and she promptly looks terrified and says, "I"m so glad I didn't have to say 'yes' to a marriage proposal." she's not winning. I actually don't even want to spend much time talking about her date, because though I like her, I'm over her story as a virgin and I still don't buy her being "ready" for anything that could come from this show. Actually, scratch that, I DO want to comment on when Ben's talking about Becca's virginity and he basically says that he's the opposite because that...was everything. Anyway, she and Ben's chest "marry" a few couples and then they talk about sex and make out. #blueballs

In the least shocking moment of Bachelor history ever, the TWINS are chosen for 'surprise' 2-on-1 date. Why is this not shocking to me? First, because I'm convinced the twins were brought on this show for the sole reason of being taken on a 2-on-1 date and TWO, because we are in their hometown, and the franchise can save on travel expenses for them.

I've gotta say, I don't get the twins. I don't know how they made it past the first night (see line about about 2-on-1), and I was sure, SURE, he was going to send them both home. I mean, the one had crystal skulls and PINK perfume in her room, along with pictures of her ex-boyfriend. My only question is, now that there is only 1 twin, will her occupation change?

Rose ceremony time!

Olivia continues to reiterate her insecurity and crazy by showing Ben her REAL talent of eating cake, and emphasizing to him that she hasn't been herself this week. Which, of course, we all know to mean, she's been COMPLETELY herself and she doesn't want to scare Ben off.

Amber gets sent home, no surprise, and so does, Rachel, which bums me out. I was sure she was my dark horse! Now I think the dark horse is JoJo.

A few more thoughts: I think it's completely weird that the girls were all over Jubilee last week, and this week there seems to be no drama there? Second, does Olivia not look different in every single scene to everyone else? Third, where was the hot tub?!

Final four predictions now that we're getting down to it:

1. Caila
2. JoJo
3. Lauren B.
4. Jubilee

What say you, Bachelor Nation? What'd  I miss this week?


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