Long Hair, Don't Care: The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette is back, bitches -- and so am I!

Sorry for the brief hiatus. I've had a lot of personal stuff going on, at work, at home, with my health, etc, all of which have kept me away from the computer, so I apologize. All is good though (can always be worse, right?).

Nevertheless, I can't leave you high and dry during our favorite time(s) of the year.

While we watch the obligatory 30-minute awkward introduction with the walks on the beach and clips of her in "real life," I will say I'm excited about the season. I like Andi, she seems like a chick I'd want to be friends with. I don't think she'll keep people around just for the sake of keeping them around. Can we also talk about how she is only 26 years old?! She looks and acts older...or maybe it's the fact that she's an assistant district attorney and so young?

It also goes without saying that it's so sad about the contestant, Eric Hill, who was killed in a tragic paragliding accident. I'm sure the show has enough integrity to give him a good edit, but from what I've read, it doesn't seem like that would be the case otherwise. I'm sure watching him is go through the motions of being on this show, knowing what his future has in store, is going to be hard to do, no matter how they edit the show. I hope his family gets some closure soon.

Alright, here come the guys. Let's do this!

First impressions getting out of the limo:
1. Marcus - Bad hair, handsome face. He'll get far.
2. Chris - Ew. He has a cartoon face and weird teeth. And he's a farmer from Iowa, so I can make fun of him.
3. JJ - Looks like Bill Nye the Science Guy. And, "love fest?" Panstprenuer? BYE.
4. Marquel - Nice fashion sense and cute - until he opens his mouth.
5. Tasos - Cute intro, seems interesting. Yellow teeth.
6. Cody - Is this Biff from Back to the Future II? Eugh.
7. Steven - He looks like a baby, but I think he's kind of cute.
8. Rudie - I have no words, except maybe DORK. Please send him home.
9. Carl - Seems OK, but mumbles.
10. Jason - Oh my god, that hair. And his teeth? Combined with his cringeworthy pickup line...gotsta go.
11. Nick V. - No impression either way. From Chicago, so...thumbs up?
12. Dylan - More bad hair, but a nice face and by the looks of it, a nice body.
13. Patrick - Another bad set of chompers. Too put together.
14. Emil - "Anal with an m?" You're lucky you're cute.
15. Brett- Meh? Not terrible, not standout.
16. Craig- Is this serious? This guy seems unsure about his sexuality.

17. Ron - Pretty face, boring intro.
18. Bradley - Looks like that actor who stars in Castle. 
19. Josh B. - Too short.
20. Nick S. - Semi-normal, I'll take him at this point.
21. Brian - I don't hate him.
22. Andrew - Also seems confused with his sexuality, maybe he and Craig can get together?
23. Mike - He's losing his hair but he's decided to grow it out, which is unfortunate.
24. Eric - Can't say anything bad about him given the circumstances. Of course he was normal, cute and had a good intro.
25. Josh - Not bad, but I'm wary of former pro athletes. He seems like he'll go far. 

So....I'm less than impressed at this point with all of these guys! Hopefully they have personalities that make them cuter, because only a couple are really cute. She had to have said she likes guys with long hair. So many have terrible, long hair and nice faces, I don't get it. And if they didn't have long hair, they were cute until they opened their mouth.

Cocktail party was pretty...interesting. Some of the guys did make cute gestures to stand out, but unfortunately, no one got drunk and fell in the pool. All the dramatics with Chris Bukowski was more than stupid and ridiculous. First of all, it was horribly scripted. Security? Really? And is it REALLY that big of a deal if ONE more guy comes on? Would it really be BETRAYAL to these 25 dudes you met 5 minutes ago? Please.

Andrew and Patrick talked about each other as though they were more interested in each other than Andi. I'm telling you, more than one of these suitors is not batting for Andi's team. Again, NOTHING wrong with that...just find a different show.

Pretty much, I think she picked all of the douchiest guys she could have. The previews for the season look...not that interesting. I miss The Bachelor, girls are so much easier to make fun of. If anything, maybe someone will tell her "It's OK" and we'll get some fireworks.

OK, so, final four predictions based on tonight:

  1.  Josh M. 
  2. Nick V.
  3. Chris
  4. Marcus
Thoughts on tonight? Are we excited for this season? Who did we like/hate?


  1. So I can never remember who anyone is until there are only like eight left but I agree on a few of these, that I recall. I too was thinking that a couple of the guys were on the wrong show, they just didn't seem to be into women.

  2. YAY! Glad you're back! Hope everything is OK...

  3. I can't remember names this early on either, but I'm kinda liking the one that got the first impression rose. I also REALLY loved Eric!! So sad about his tragic death! I also can't say much about the farmer from Iowa....I'm from Minnesota...sooo..we're practically neighbors! haha


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