Adults Do Disneyland

Long time, no blog! This time, my excuse is better than my typical “I’m lazy.” No, I just returned from 8 whirlwind days of travel to Orlando, Las Vegas and Madison (as in Wisconsin).

I've got lots to update you on, and since I didn’t do anything this past weekend except sleep (seriously, I got 12+ hours every night of the weekend. It was amazing.), I thought my first blog back should go back to two weekends ago, when we were on the first leg of our trip in Orlando, Florida.

It was one of my girlfriend's 30th birthday celebrations. She and her husband Matt were headed down to stay in his family's vacation home in Orlando and were kind enough to invite a crew of us down there to join them. Our celebration plan? Drinking around the world.

You see, part of Epcot includes a World Showcase featuring 11 countries: Mexico, Norway, China, Germany, Italy, the United States, Japan, Morocco, France, United Kingdom and Canada. The intent is likely for those who haven't seen much of the world, and to share with them the culture and cuisine of different countries.

Unless you're a bunch of well-traveled 30+ year-olds who don't give a shit about culture and find any opportunity to create a drinking game.

Matt created t-shirts for the group, which were pretty amazing. I know I lost track of people more than once and it helped having the shirts. We also had several people ask us where they could buy them, so that means they were not only cool to us.
The "rules" for the day were simple: Everyone has to have at least one drink in every country and we have to ride the rides in every country that has one. I'm happy to report that everyone played by the rules and not only did we go around the world once -- we went back Mexico for a second time.
The group on the ride in Mexico

Some of the drinks on the menu: Margaritas in Mexico, Ginger margaritas in China, prosecco in Italy, sake in Japan, car bombs in the U.K...you get the picture. 
 

And if you don't then here are pictures to help provide a visual. Enjoy!
 The birthday girl and me
  The group on the ride in Norway
  Pausing for a photo in Belguim
  Belgium scenery
  Italia!
  The group in America
  Bryan being a weirdo
  Girls in Japan
  The birthday girl and her hubby in Japan

  Fountains in Morocco
  France!
  Drinks at a pub in the U.K.
  Drunk in Canada
  Still drunk in Canada
  On our way out
 Last photo of the night. Helloooo drunk eyes!
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A Revelation on Buzzfeed Quizzes

First things first: Many of you are looking for a recap on the mess that was The Bachelor the other night. In case you missed it, I live-tweeted most of my thoughts, so please refer to my Twitter feed to see what I thought. https://twitter.com/writerrz
In short: Wapalo is an asshole.

Now that that mess is over, we need to talk about something. We've all seen the BuzzFeed quizzes that are the current "thing" du jour. Take quiz, share on Facebook, rinse and repeat. I myself have participated in many a quiz and have come to this conclusion:

The quizzes are bullshit.

First of all, let's talk about the content of the quizzes. When it comes to quizzes like Which Scandal Character Are You? or Which Friday Night Lights Character Are You?, you bet your ass I want to make sure I'm Olivia Pope and Tammy Taylor. Even Which Parks and Rec Character Are You? is of interest, since my co-workers and I all determined who was who in our office (everyone says I'm April).
Quizzes like What City Should You Actually Live In?What State Should You Actually Belong In? or Which European Country Do You Actually Belong In? are also of interest to me, because we travel all the time, and I've lived in the Midwest my whole life and am convinced I don't belong anywhere else.

I've even taken a few that I'm not proud of, such as Which Golden Girl Are You? and Which Celebrity Couple Are You And Your Significant Other? Mainly because based on all of my results so far, I just needed to confirm my theory of bullshit.

But like, which literary couple are you? Which brand of tennis shoe are you? No one needs to know that shit.

I just need to know how picking a Beyonce will help determine which city I should live in. Why does my chosen celebrity chef help identify me to a Golden Girl? And most importantly, why is choosing a muppet important when likening me to a character on Parks & Rec? And what the F does Space Jam have to do with what kind of dream home I belong in?

All of this aside, my gripe is with the results of said quizzes. I don't think I've taken one where I thought, "YES! EXACTLY BUZZFEED!" The only results I chose to share on FB is that Bryan and I were deemed Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears, and even that isn't anything to brag about because, hello--THEY BROKE UP!

Here's a peek into the results I've gotten:

Scandal Character: Quinn, and on second/third attempts, Fitz.
Friday Night Lights character: Julie Taylor and on a second attempt, Tyra.
Parks and Rec Character: Jean Ralphio
State I Belong In: Wyoming. (WTF).
City I Should Live In: Los Angeles
European Country: Norway
Golden Girl: Blanche
Dream House: An underwater suite in the Maldives


So...according to this I:
  • Make bad decisions, not afraid of anyone or anything and I make really good jam.
  • Believe in true love, make a lot of mistakes (but learn from them) and have a hard time making friends.
  • Am the life of the party or the death of the party, depending on who's at the party.
  • Have a penchant for enjoying "the little things" in life and don't get swept up in the "hot new drama." I'm also a great person to know, love to "kick it" and might even have a literal fish to fry! 
  • Was made for the sunshine (truth) but the only thing I love more than a fresh-pressed juice is a hot yoga session. (NOPE.)
  • Am reliable, independent and tolerant and hate injustice
  • Am always up for a good time, people are drawn to my fun-loving nature and charm, AND I'm usually the most attractive person in the room. (I mean, can't argue here.)
  • Am really in my element when I'm out of my element.
There you have it, ya'll. Anyone else?
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Dear Mom

Mama,

I'm always reading stuff on the Internet about Moms. Things we forget to thank our moms for. Raising a kind daughter. All of them are true, and for the most part, are good reminders to be grateful that I have you as a mom.
But instead of sharing one of those articles with you on Facebook, I wanted to take the time to write one to you, and for you. Because I don't tell you enough all that things that every Mom should hear from her child--things that I hope my kids will one day tell me.
I often look back on the past 30 years and cringe when I think of some of the things I put you through. Ways I acted, things I said. But thank God for time and perspective, both of which have taught me that you don't hold those moments against me. Like a good mom, you just waited for me to realize that everything you did for me, every 'no' you gave me and punishment you enforced truly was for my own good. You waited for me to learn to confide in you instead of lie to you. To embrace your friendship and not act like your enemy.
Part of the reason I want to be a mom is because I want my kids to know what it feels like to receive your love. The example of motherhood that you've set is one I want to replicate. In fact, I know that I'll be a good mom because of you. Because I knew what it was and is like to have a mom who loves me unconditionally. Traditions I'll carry on, stories I'll read, and meals I'll make will be because they came from you putting fond memories in my heart.
Your heart is so big. You've always done the best that you could, especially with us. It makes me happy to see you happy. Your laugh is infectious. I love drinking wine with you. I love that you buy trinkets for us just because they make you think of us. I love that you still give me frog stuff because I loved them when I was younger. Your chicken legs make me laugh. You make friends with anyone you meet. I love that you're just "MA" to my best friends. You put others before yourself. You swear too much, but I like that too. Thank you for teaching me to belch, and not to take shit from anyone.
We only get one mom in life. I'm so happy you are mine.
Happiest of birthdays, Mom. I love you!

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Nothin' Much.

Ah, Wednesday. I think it might be my favorite day of the week (After Thursday, Friday and Saturday).

Hope everyone is having a spectacular week so far. Can't complain here - work has been manageable, weather has continued to suck (status quo=no complaints), and it's finally March. So while my previous sentence remains true, the fact that it's March means a few things:

1. Warm weather is in our somewhat near future here in Chicago


2. I'm going to Orlando in 2 weeks

3. I'm going to Las Vegas in 2.5 weeks

4. I'm going to Los Angeles (hopefully) in 4 weeks

5. St. Patrick's Day is coming up and I love me some St. Patty's.

So, that's it for today. Basically I just wanted to brag about my upcoming trips. #sorrynotsorry

BYE!
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Women Tell All: Bachelor Recap

So...only a few thoughts on tonight's Women Tell All.

First things first: I love Catherine's new bangs. I don't love that we keep hearing about how she GOT banged. I hope these two leave the limelight sometime soon. (And until then, I'll continue shamelessly stalking them on Instagram.)

Was anyone else watching the segment with the Muppets thinking, "Deees esss not OK"? Seriously though: What.the.fuck. was that? With every one of these episodes it becomes so much more clear that JP's only intention in coming on this show was to "act." Why else would he star in a new M&Ms promotion every week, or in this insanely creepy Muppets preview? Then again, this is not the first time the muppets and ABC/The Bachelor have teamed up, so, I guess anything is possible.

Next, the women get into bashing Juan Pablo. In case you missed it, basically the girls all talk about how hot Wapolo is, but ultimately, they were all in agreement with what Andi said last week: JP was not interested in them. They took it a step further to say that he used his daughter as an excuse for his behavior, covered his being an asshole by saying he was being honest, and that he didn't play fair and likely didn't come there looking for a wife. So...what everyone has been tweeting, or if you're me, blogging about all season.


Sharleen, Renee and Andi all get in the hot seat and quite frankly, I was bored to tears with all of them. No one says anything new. Not even Renee, who I found out today is engaged! Told you she'd be OK.
I did think that Chris Harrison made an obvious revelation that Andi is the next Bachelorette by asking if she was single, open to find love and asking if she thought this process could work. Coy was never your strong suit, Chris Harrison.

Next our friend JuannyP gets the hot seat. Another interesting change to this season's setup? They didn't have JP do one-on-one's in the hot seat with any of his dearly departed. Probably because ABC knew that all these bitches would rip JP to shreds and that more than likely, JuanPablo wouldn't understand any of it.


So how did he spend his time? Making fun of the girls for making fun of him for being an idiot. He continued to laughingly tell them, "eees OK" and think it was cute. Kelly (love her) told him that he offended her for his homophobic comments earlier this year - they cut the part where she says it's because she was raised by two gay men. He told her that he wasn't going to "waste" four minutes talking about it but that he'd talk to her about it for a whole hour after the show. Finally, some one-on-one time!

He also says he doesn't understand why he shouldn't have met Renee's son because he introduces Camila to "everyone" as his friend. So, just so we are all on the same page: Juan Pablo wouldn't kiss girls on the show because he has a daughter and he doesn't want her to think badly of him, but he doesn't think twice about introducing her to all his lady friends and compounding that with lying to her about their relationship. In addition, he let Cassandra go because she was a mom and felt it was unfair to keep her around for that, and yet doesn't see the problem with going on a hometown with Renee, meeting her son and then letting her go.

And because it was too perfect not to include, ABC concludes the episode with Juan Pablo talking about his little package.

Until next week. Oh, the tears!

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