Sex in the Ocean

Ugh. I can't even with this show anymore. Warning: This recap is not going to be funny or long because A) I'm in a bad mood and B) This show is so dumb.

Juan-on-Juan with Renee: I love Renee, but this date was boring. But boring in a good way, because I think Renee continues to be honest and real and no drama -- therefore, I can't make fun of her.

Group date: Everyone hates Clare, and I am in their camp. JP makes out with Clare on the boat in front of everyone, which causes everyone to feel like they are extras on Clare's one-on-one date. They "stop by" a house for dinner. Right ladies, (ahem, Chelsie), I'm so sure that JP just happened to stop and ask some random dude where you call could eat and he just invited you in and had a huge farm and space for 10 women. Cassandra even exclaimed, “We should have these in America!” "These" meaning FARM.

Is anyone else flabbergasted by Sir Sharleen's body? It's kind of amazing, yet she is not. Here's what bothers me about her: She plays passive aggressive and innocent...'plays' being the operative word.When JP tells her she's cute and she's all, "Is that a good thing?" Le duh.

Continue to love Andi, especially when she says, "Next thing you know, sucking face again, sorry Mom."

Clare and the ocean....just so we're clear, they definitely had sex, right? I mean, maybe I'm taking her asinine comments out of context, but...they had sex. They had to... right?

Next up: Nikki's Juan-on-Juan. He takes the girl repelling. Ya'll, I have DONE repelling and you know I am scared of heights. I LEGIT cried the whole time I came down, so criticism from me. Except when the producers ask leading questions about if this adventure feels like love. Continue to like her and am certain she makes it far in this process.

Rose ceremony time, where Clare gave a toast “to finding love, being loved, and making love,” and JP pulls her aside and says, “I hope nobody knows. It was a little weird for me. I’m too fair with people … Maybe it wasn’t right. I have a daughter, I don’t want her to see what happens, if she sees it.” THEY DEFINITELY DID IT.

So, just so we're clear: Juan won't kiss more than 6 women because he doesn't want his daughter to think poorly of him, but he's totally cool with hooking up in the ocean? Got it.

Side story about Clare: My friend lives in and L.A. and her dad goes to the same gym as Clare. Apparently, she had been gone for a long time, and just recently came back 10 lbs heavier. She told her trainer she had to lose the weight fast for an important event in a few weeks. So...not giving anything about, but the fact that she was gone so long indicates that she makes it really far, maybe even to the final 2, and she needs to be in shape for the ATFR or the girls reunion. I hope it's the latter....I really dislike her.

However, it was totes inapprops for JP to basically slut-shame Clare at the rose ceremony. Telling her that he regrets it, hinting that it wasn't mutual, and that she is a bad influence on his daughter? If I were Clare, I would have given the rose back and left right there. At least JP realizes his mistake. #Sarcasm
And now, in a totally predictable turn of events, it looks like by next week, everyone will know what happened, and instead of hating JP, the real asshat in the situation, they'll all hate Clare.

Danielle finally goes home, and sadly, so does Kelly, and suddenly only 8 women are left. Making my hometown predictions:

1. Clare
2. Nikki
3. Andi
4. Renee/Sharleen

Be back tomorrow!


  1. Despite of what you wrote in the beginning, this recap was actually funny and I enjoyed it :)! I also like doing TB recaps only I take my time w/watching & writing b/c this show's SO ugh.

    I've read some legit spoilers and I'll just say you're RIGHT ON with 99% of your predictions. Sadly (?), this season doesn't end the way I or anyone else would like it to end and I can't stand Clare. My face goes :$ (like a reflex!!) every time he says her name b/c she (or the characters those producers created) just has no respect for herself.

  2. My final four predictions are similar - Renee, Andi, Clare & Nikki. I think Nikki & Clare will be final two and Nikki "wins" - Nikki has been my favorite since episode one. My sister thinks final two is Nikki & Andi with Andi "winning". I think Renee becomes just a friend, which is sad, because I feel like had they not met on national television that it may have actually worked out between them. I adore Renee and kind of hope she's the next bachelorette ending up with a story like Trista & Ryan - she reminds me of Trista a little bit...

  3. This recap is SO spot on! My final predictions are exactly the same as above: Renee, Andi, Clare, and Nikki. I was literally in SHOCK when JP and Clare did the deed (because they DEF did). The slut shaming was ridic, and shame on Juan and everyone else, but I sort of still hate Clare for just being Clare. Is that bad? Whatever.


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