Juan-gham Style: Bachelor Recap Week 4

I can't take credit for that title. Someone at ABC actually has a sense of humor and I heard this on a voiceover with regard to the fact that this week, the girls and their man are headed to Seoul, South Korea.

And that's where we begin this week. Finally, we're getting to the good stuff: 'Catty' Shack baby.

Group date number one entails back-up dancing for an apparently popular K-pop group, 2NE1. (Not to be confused with 21.) The only one who's happy about this is Kat and Cassandra, since you know, they both "dance." (Could've fooled me.) Everyone sucks it up, including Nikki, who is the most upset about dancing and being on the group date in general, and then they all talk shit about Kat trying to steal the show. Wouldn't have guessed the girls to turn on Kat so early in the game but methinks its because they're jealous. (Isn't everything because they're ALL F*ing JEALOUS?)

Elise seems to always have a lot to say about the other women and their abilities as a mother. Chick is 26 and just because she's a teacher doesn't mean that she'd be any better. It doesn't matter though, because she brings up house drama on her one-on-one and, everybody say it together: "You're going home."

Nikki steals JP away for some alone time and they make out. From the looks of it and recalling last week's horrible kissing, JP might be the culprit. He does this little flick of his tongue before he goes in and it makes me want to vom. (He did it with everyone in this episode.)

Sir Sharleen gets a juan-on-juan date this week, and it's the classic "let's see the city" date where the girl (or guy) always likens the date to being on vacation together. Although I'm not a fan of Sharleen, I do give the girl props for being honest in that she needs to see more from JP to see if she's interested. It's close to the most normal response I've ever seen on the show. They go to a market, a tea house and some weird building where JP wants her to sing some opera, to which she responds:

"I don't want the early stages of any relationship to have anything to do with the fact that I'm an opera singer."

What? What in the hell does you being an opera singer have to do with a guy liking you? That's like Jen Aniston saying she doesn't want a guy to know she's Jen Aniston before she goes out with him. In any case, she sings and she's good, and then they do more awkward making out/tongue flicking/mouth grabbing and I hit fast-forward. I will say, JP talks more to her than anyone else. Everyone else, I feel like he's doing the asking or he's just awkwardly looking at them and no one is saying anything important, so I like the fact that they have real conversations. I just don't like her.

Group date #2, and these ladies are getting 'krazy'...by singing karaoke in a weird little dollhouse, drinking lemonade out of IV bags and peddling little boats around going nowhere fast. And then they get their feet eaten by fish and I want to throw up because EW.

Clare declares that eating octopus is the "epitome of her fears." Oh honey. I like Kelly the Dog Lover so much this week for calling out both Clare's dramatics and the fact that she's most definitely had "larger things" in her mouth before, but couldn't swallow a small little tentacle. C'mon now.

At the cocktail, JP and Andi/Renee have good talks, which makes me happy, because they're my faves. Some girl named Lauren, whom we've never seen before, attempts to dance with and kiss JP, who denies her, and sends the poor girl into a downward spiral. (She's clearly also going home.) And there's Clare.

"Oh my god. I ate octopus. Do you wanna know what happened? I threw up in my mouth but I swallowed it." OMG YAY Clare! You just made me ME throw up in MY mouth! I do not like her. I don't like how she takes so long to finish a sentence. I don't like how she asked, in the middle of a kiss, if she had chocolate breath. I don't like her little girl voice. DON'T LIKE HER.

Rose ceremony time and bitches be cray. Everyone hates Nikki, which I don't get. I like her, what am I missing?

As predicted, Elise and Lauren are sent home. No surprises here, except that Danielle is still around, because we haven't seen her speak more than twice so far.

Andi, Renee, Nikki and dare I say, Kelly, are my faves now. What about you?

1 comment:

  1. haha I can't stand to watch him kiss anyone it is really awkward. I really like Nikki too!


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