A Note to Miley Cyrus: You Can Stop...and You Should Stop

I only wanted to see 'N Sync.

...said everyone who watched the VMAs and were instead eye-raped by Miley Cyrus within the first 10 minutes of the show.

Why, is the main question? Why did her butt look like a raw turkey ass? Why did she do that to my man, Robin Thicke? Why did he let her? Why the constant tongue flicking? Why teddy bears...fuzzy, cute, cuddly, innocent teddy bears?


I'd liken the world's reaction to Miley Cyrus' performance as similar to when Brit Brit shaved her head and went bat shit cray. Now, thanks to Miley, no one will speak of that moment ever again.

Searching for reactions to this via social media and using#VMAs, I found several disturbing, yet hilarious images. Here are my faves:

A Buzzfeed comparison between Miley and the dudes who invented "Suck It!"


A comparison between her ass and a raw turkey:

So many references to the need for Miley to do squats.

Her resemblance to Angelica's doll on Rugrats:

And so many tweets...306,000 tweets per minute, to be exact.

Did you guys watch? Were you as horrified as I was?
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Weekend Update: Going Back to Cali

It seems all I can seem to muster out of my blogs these days (weeks) are weekend updates. And so far, I'm two weekends behind. I'm on the tail-end of another exhausting, yet fun weekend that was our "summer finale." This weekend basically capped off 8 weeks of non-stop traveling and just "stuff." Don't get me wrong, it's been a blast...but I'm tired. I mean, I've taken 6 naps in the past 3 days and I NEVER NAP.

In any case, tonight's blog will be a quick recap of our "impromptu" weekend in L.A. But not before I comment really quick on extremely effed up Miley Cyrus is. Why is Robin Thicke having her ruin his sexiness?

OK. Now that we covered that....as I said a few weeks ago, we scheduled a rather last minute trip out to LA LA land to visit my girl Ashley and her boyfriend, Rob. (Cross one off my 30 before 30!) They live right on the beach in Santa Monica and were nice enough to let us shack up for the weekend. The weekend was filled with sunshine, laughter, good conversation, delicious food and, what else? Champs.

One highlight from the weekend? I saw the bachelorette and her fiance, Chris! It just occurred to me that I never recapped the finale, but there's no need now, is there? In any case, I went to brunch with Bryan and Rob in Venice Beach while Ash was at work, and low and behold, right in my eyeline was Des and Chris! Bryan and Rob were the worst two people to have with me, since they of course, could care less. I snapped several photos while Bryan yelled at me for being a stalker, and I could not take my eyes off them throughout my meal. They were cute together, I will say...but Chris was on his phone the. entire. meal. Like, while he was eating. She chatted up her friend the whole time, so she didn't seem too concerned, but I did find it weird. No, I did not talk to them. (I'm not THAT stalkerish). But it was pretty exciting for me, nonetheless.

No other celebrity sightings the rest of the weekend. Here's what went on instead:
The rest of the day in Venice. A skateboard of beer, SnapChat headquarters and the cutest little Toms you have ever seen. Of course I bought some for my little.
Delicious dinner, plus some selfies with Kinzie, Ash & Rob's pup!
Saturday, we went to Malibu Wines. It was an amazing place in the Malibu Hills, where you brought your own food and listened to live music, and drank wine. I was so in my happy place.

Like I said...my happy place.

Saturday night after dinner, we went to an art gallery and tried to recreate it. Typical.

Ashley's boyfriend is literally 1.5 feet taller than me.

And just like that, it was time to go home! Love you, Ash, can't wait for September!

PS (Ummm....just got done gawking at Justin Timberlake/NSYNC's performance. No words. I reiterate that he and JAY-Z were the best concert I've ever seen. )

Mingle 240
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My Best Friend's Wedding

Hi friends! Remember me? I'm sorry I've been MIA. As you're well aware, things have been...busy. There was the whole breaking my toe thing and dealing with that, then going to LA that following weekend. And last week, I only had 2 days in the office before I headed home to Iowa for my best friend's wedding!
Reunited with Sloanie!

So, I know I have a lot to update you on, but I must start with this past weekend, when I watched MY best friend marry HER best friend! Some background: She and Russ dated for about 10 years before he proposed last summer on her birthday. She has been wanting to marry him for as long as they've been together. They've done long distance, they've lived all over the country, and they've been through some shit together. (Haven't we all?) Yet, as I told them in my speech, they choose happiness in every circumstance. It's admirable to watch.

The weekend was perfect from start to finish. It was an August wedding in Iowa, so everyone expected hot temperatures and high humidity. Instead, it was basically fall weather. Not too hot, not too cold, and not a cloud in the sky. Brittany was organized, and though she had her moments, she was an excited, happy bride. The weekend was all tanning parties, wine, nails, errands, sparkling conversations, champagne, hair appointments, wine, luncheons, make up, champagnes and celebrating Brittany and Russ.
Nails & bridal luncheon!

Bryan was also in a wedding this past weekend, so unfortunately, he wasn't able to make it (nor was I able to make it to our friends' wedding that he was in). It wasn't the same without him there. After all, it was the last wedding of all of my bestest friends, and all of us were in the wedding, and all of our husbands were there. So, he was definitely missed, but it did allow for me to spend tons of quality time with my best friends and family! This was my first time home since June, so getting to do that was awesome.
At the rehearsal dinner. The story behind these photos is funny. It started out me and the 2 ladies, before one by one, everyone else snuck in. 

The wedding itself? It was perfect. The flowers were the most gorgeous things you've ever seen, and Brittany was STUNNING. Everyone looked awesome, guys and girls, everyone was excited. The centerpieces, the food, the drinks, the DJ, the venue...there's not one thing I can think to say that didn't go well, except that it went too fast! I was honored to stand up there by my best friend of 18 years in her happiest day and moments. I didn't screw up my speech either, so....score!

Rehearsal dinner!

Here's more pics from the weekend. Enjoy!

Fun at the local brewery before we turned in for the night. 

Getting beautified!
Pre-wedding limo fun with the bridesmaids!

Right before walking down the aisle, and party bus time!

Family shots!

Reception fun!

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The Time I Broke My Toe.

For almost 30 years, I went without breaking a bone. I've been in dance, gymnastics, basketball, volleyball, softball, tennis, golf. I've played with boys, wrestled with my sisters, been in fist fights. I've had dislocated limbs, extra bones, blood clots, seizures, blood infections, skull fractures. All of these things, and nothing broken.

Until now. And bone of all bones...I broke my freakin' toe. I guess I did break my nose in a cab accident two summers ago. But that doesn't count.

Let me rewind. Saturday, we went to Lollapalloza. For those unawares, it's a huge music festival where hundreds of bands take over Grant Park...in turn, hundreds of thousands of people take over Grant Park, and 95% of them are drunk or on drugs, sometimes both. And he or she is probably wearing a crop top and jean shorts. In other words, it's a hippie breeding ground.

So many people.

That has nothing to do with how I broke my toe, just giving you the background. We started the day around 11:30 with mimosas (without orange juice) and Bloody Marys, before taking a limo over to the park. Throughout the day, we saw bands like Eric Church, The National, Lumineers and of course, Mumford & Sons, who were awesome. It was a glorious day—gorgeous weather, beer (and water) were flowing, music, great friends. What's better?!

Traveling to Lolla in style

After about 12 hours of drinking in the sun, we were walking back to our friend's apartment for pizza (did I mention I didn't really eat all day?). One of the guys we were with kicked a water bottle, and in my drunken stupor, I thought it looked like fun. For reasons I will never remember, I kicked that water bottle with all of my might...and whiffed. Instead of connecting with the water bottle, my big toe connected with the concrete. YEP. I'm a drunk asshole. (warning: graphic photos follow).

After the incident. 

It was one of those moments where I realized how much it hurt, but it was all a little numb due to the booze. When I looked down, my toe was gushing—I mean gushing—blood. Another thing about me: I don't do blood. I put my sunglasses on and kept walking until my friend noticed something was up. All I could do was point to my bloody toe. I kept insisting I was fine (I really wanted pizza), but Bryan and our friends said we needed to get a cab. I cried the whole way home, and tried to clean myself up when we got here.

That's bruising...not dirt.

I woke up early yesterday to a throbbing, swollen, purple and still bloody foot. I could barely walk, so I could tell it was going to be a great day. Essentially, I spent all of yesterday elevating and icing. After a bad night's sleep, mainly because I was constantly woken up by shooting pains through my foot, I hobbled into work today before my 2:15 doctor's appointment.


Short story long, I spent 2 minutes with my doctor, who ordered me to go get X-Rays. At the X-Rays, I had to put my toes in uncomfortable positions, while the technician apologized for farting multiple times. (That's a true story.) And then it was home to wait for a phone call. No phone call meant no fracture.

About 30 minutes ago, the phone rang with an unfamiliar 312 number and I knew my fate. Sure enough...it was the doctor confirming my break, in the first joint of my toe. So now, I'm ordered to stay off it as much as possible, until I can in to the orthopedic surgeon. Because it's my big toe, they'll likely put me in walking boot or orthopedic shoe (honestly, I'd rather have the boot than look like I'm 85).

So, basically, this is a long way of saying, this sucks. I'm going to L.A. this weekend, my best friend is getting married next weekend, and Bryan's best friend is getting married the weekend after that. A BOOT IS NOT IN MY SCHEDULE. I need to wear heels, walk down aisles, tear up dance floors.

I'm going to drown my sorrows in wine and the Bachelorette.

Mingle 240
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Pretty Little Cupcakes

If you haven't noticed, I don't post a lot of recipes on this blog, unless they are super easy. Hence, why I'm posting this today.

I'm working with new client at work who makes Betty Crocker and Cake Mate decorating supplies (icing, frosting, sprinkles, cupcake liners, etc). Recently, we asked them to send us some product so we could have it on hand for photo shoots, etc. This is what we got:

That, my friends, is 200 pounds of baking products. I have no idea why they sent so much, but there it is. To try out some of the products, I went "shopping" and went home to make some birthday cupcakes for my friend. Here was my inspiration:

(I found this in a cookbook and don't know the name of the recipe! I'll update later with a link.)

Now, I am many things in life, but a baker I am not. I know better than to try to make cake batter from scratch, so I made things easier (and tastier) by grabbing a box of Betty Crocker Confetti Cake Mix.

Here's what you need:
White Cake Mix
Cupcake Frosting
Vegetable Oil
Betty Crocker Neon Gels
Cupcake Liners
Cupcake Pan

First, make the cake mix according to directions.

Next, separate the cake batter among 4-5 different bowls, depending on how many colors you want. 

Now it's time to make the colors. Using your Neon gels, squirt the desired amount of gel into the cake batter, and stir until you achieve the desired color. 

Line your cupcake pan with cupcake liners of your chose. Then spoon each liner with whichever color you want to be on the bottom. Spoon the next color batter on top of that, and so on, until you've used all colors. 
Bake according to cake mix instructions. This is what mine looked like when they came out:

Let the cupcakes cool completely. Then frost and decorate! Easy peasy!

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