Oh, How Pinteresting!

Happy Hump Day!

The weather is straight up cray cray. Remember how yesterday was in the 60s? Today it's snowing. WTF.

Not a lot of time to write today, so I thought I'd join a "new" link up (new for me, anyway) with Michelle. It requires no writing, just pinning. I can handle that :)


Enjoy your Wednesday and come follow me on Pinterest!


Writing inspiration:

                                                                      Source: truthandcake.com via Rachel on Pinterest


I already got married, but for all my engaged girls out there, this is genius. 
                                                                            Source: offbeatbride.com via Rachel on Pinterest


This would make me smile every morning.

                                                                         Source: papernstitchblog.com via Rachel on Pinterest


Puppies!
                                                                      Source: photography.1000notes.com via Rachel on Pinterest




Fun idea for wedding photos:
                                                                  Source: hammersandhighheels.blogspot.com via Rachel on Pinterest



Blogging inspiration:
                                                                                  Source: pinaquote.com via Rachel on Pinterest



Glitter glassware!
                                                                      Source: inspiredesignandcreate.com via Rachel on Pinterest




I fully plan to congratulate my next pregnant friend like this:
                                                                                 Source: etsy.com via Rachel on Pinterest




Best advice ever?
                                                                             Source: oceanblued.tumblr.com via Rachel on Pinterest




My motto in life:
                                                                           Source: riazzoli.blogspot.com via Rachel on Pinterest




Go link up!


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Bachelor Recap: "He Took the Iraqi to the Desert"


Happy Tuesday! I’m not sure where you all live, but here in Chicago, the weather is being all kinds of crazy. Freezing rain on Sunday, mid-40s Monday and today, it’s 61. Thanks, global warming!

It’s my favorite day of the week as I pick apart America’s favorite hot messes.

I’m coming at this a little differently today, more like a real recap, rather than just highlighting the train wrecks. There was too many this episode. Bear with me.

The episode opens with—SPOILER ALERT!—gratuitous shots of Sean, not only shirtless, but pantless as well. 

We learn that Selma gets the first one-on-one and I’ve got to say, I’m OK with it. She had me at “He took the Iraqi to the desert.” But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We haven’t seen much of Selma yet, but clearly she’s hot (literally and figuratively), she’s pint-sized with huge fake boobs, and as we learned this episode, she only weighs 110 pounds. It seems like many people are annoyed she said this, but ladies, let’s be honest – if you weighed 110 lbs, you’d announce it on national TV, too.

Sean says he wants to see if Selma can “rough it” since she’s previously told him she gets misjudged as being prissy. The two “rough it” by taking a private jet to Joshua Tree—aka the desert and Iraqi comment—where they climb a rock so that Selma can fulfill the show’s requirement of having at least one person scared of heights so that she can “conquer her fear” and make some analogy about how she can get through anything with Sean at her side.

My favorite part? When they were standing on the rock looking out at the sunset. I feel like we’ve seen this before…

Next they go to a glorified trailer park where they lay on astro turf, look at the stars and whisper. Seriously though. Why are they whispering? Selma then drops the bomb that her family is super conservative and she doesn’t want to embarrass them by kissing Sean on national TV. 

Yes, that seems that logical... 

Sean basically tells us that he’s got Blue Balls because Selma’s a tease. “Her eyes are asking me to kiss her. Ahhhhh!” She gets the rose and they seal it with a hug. 

Cue Selma saying Sean is going to have to wait to kiss her until she’s “his only lady.” Sorry Selma, but you’re not going to get far with that attitude. Especially when we get to the part where these hoes all bed Sean, basically at the same time. I think Selma will make it to the final 5 or 6 before Sean tells her that his physical relationships are further developed and sends Selma packing.

Next up: the dreaded group date. Sean wants to test the “physicality” of the women—no joke, he used that word at least 100 times—and the ladies prep for a roller derby. 

Tierra’s ready to beat some ass, Amanda lies and says she used to play the sport, Robyn can’t stand up for more than .5 seconds, and Sarah cries about her unfair advantage, what with only having one arm. I’ve gotta go with Sarah on this one – roller skating is about balance and it’s hard to balance when you’re not even on both sides. Just sayin’. 


Eventually, Karma comes knockin’ and because she wore that hideous neon dress with flower shoulder pads while shooting daggers from her eyes not too long ago, Amanda takes a spill thinks she broke her jaw. 
Sean – aka the show’s lawyers – decide maybe this date is too dangerous and let’s just all skate around holding hands instead.

I noticed that all of these girls look very “fit”, despite those hideous uniforms. Side note: Has anyone else noticed that Tierrable Tierra (kudos to whoever said that last night in the episode) is the only one ever eating?  I wonder if she’ll gain weight like Chantal O. and Ali F., and if she does, will the dent in her forehead be the first place she gains? 


Speaking of those roller derby outfits, why was Jackie the only one wearing a helmet in her ITM? Or the better question: why is she still here?


I digress. The rest of the group date is boring, especially because Tierra hijacks it by saying that the other girls are torturing her and she’s going home. Here’s a hint Sean: Girls who say “girls don’t like me” and “I don’t like drama” means they’re a bitch who always starts shit. Sean gives Tierra a rose, and after smirking at the camera, she joins the group and they all go home.


Leslie H. gets the next one-on-one and it happens to be the “Pretty Woman” date, where Sean buys her diamonds, a hideous dress, sparkly shoes and a purse, all topped off with a 125-carat necklace that look horrific with previously stated items.  


Les is over the moon because she’s never gotten jewels from a boyfriend before. Probably because she’s never had a boyfriend. She also says “holy moly” not once, not twice, but THREE times that we saw. You sealed your fate right there, sister.

Despite the fact she’s literally sparkling, Sean doesn’t feel a spark and sends Leslie packing, but not before getting back his diamonds. In the words of Possessionista, “That awkward moment when your boyfriend dumps you and asks for the jewelry back.”

Leslie also tells us in the limo that she would have given back her diamond earrings if it meant spending  her time with Sean. See, Leslie, there's your issue right there. In the words of Kanye, Diamonds are Forever. The Bachelor and any couple associated with it, is not.

Cue preview we saw of Sean dropping a lone rose over the balcony as Ben Taylor plays to a crowd of no one.


At the rose ceremony, Lesley M. & Amanda stand out in bad way with their lipstick choices for the evening. My girl Catherine FINALLY gets some one-on-one time with Sean that they show us. Since the first episode, I’ve felt like Catherine is quirky, witty and calm and I could see her going far, but then they don’t show us any of her time with Sean, so it’s hard to tell. Then Robyn asks Sean if he wants to taste her chocolate and things get weird, fast.


Amanda and her "broken" jaw (read: TMJ) that she tried to cover with black lipstick go home.

I’ll be shocked if next week we don’t see Jackie, Robyn and Daniella go home.

Until next week, when paramedics make a second visit to see Tierra.


Thoughts this week?


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Nice is Nice!


Nice, France, that is.

I’m skipping over Belgium and Amsterdam for now and moving on to Nice, France.

The South of France - French Riviera, if you will, was my favorite region we visited. From the food to the wine to the weather, everything was phenomenal. 

We arrived in the late afternoon on New Years Day. Since we had spent the previous 4 days jumping from city to city, we were more than ready to call Nice home for the next three nights.

We stayed at another Le Meridien right on the water. We had a fabulous room that overlooked the Mediterranean Sea and that looked right out towards Castle Hill, which is gorgeous when it’s lit up. We also had a nice view of the Ferris Wheel that was part of the city’s Christmas Festival  — I’m telling you, everywhere we went had a Christmas festival. Not complaining.

Views from hotel and from walking around the first night.

The wonderful thing about Nice is that it’s centrally located and there are many cities that are just a train ride away for a fun day trip. At dinner on New Years Eve, we actually met a couple who used to “summer in Nice.” Must be nice, right? (No pun intended.) He gave us a list of places we should go, which was super helpful.

Day One:
We spent the first half of the day walking down the Promenade des Anglais (the beachfront), around Old Town Nice, through Place Massena and MARCHÉ AUX FLEURS (a great market of flowers, soaps, foods, etc).

Nuts, soaps and olives at the market.

Old Town, Nice.

Then we made the hike up to Castle Hill. We grabbed a late breakfast of Pan Au Chocolate and cappuccino and sat overlooking the beautiful coast. After walking the park for a few hours, we hopped on a train for our first day trip to Saint Paul de Vence. 

Castle Park, Nice

Husband and me at the park.

HIGHLY recommend going to this gem. It’s about an hour bus trip into the mountains and as you get closer, it’s just sort of suddenly appears.

View driving up to the city

It’s a medieval town that feels like a fortress, with high walls, castle-like buildings, cobblestone streets, and lots of nooks and crannies. You forget that it’s actually a town that people live in, which is super crazy, but there was a nice mix of history and tourism.  There’s a restaurant at the entrance of the town, Le Café de la Place, where we had some wine and shared a sandwich, just people watching. 

Street views, a wine store and an above ground cemetary.

View looking at the city from the restaurant, a candy store and DRINKS!

We ended the day with a wonderful dinner in Nice at Luna Rossa, which was an authentic Italian restaurant. They served food straight from the skillet. To. die.


I’m going to cut this off right now, but I’ll be back with our second day in Nice, when we went to Menton, Monte Carlo and Eze.

Happy Friday!


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If I Were a Boy...

You're welcome in advance for getting that little diddy from Beyonce in your head. I wonder if she lip-synced that, too.

Joining in a link-up with Erin and Gay today. I went at this in that, if I were a boy for X amount of time, but then was going to return to being female. Because you know, girls rule and boys drool.

Disclaimer: just because I've written something, doesn't mean that I do or do not experience it with the men (or main man) in my life. Like, if I said I would treat women with respect, it doesn't mean that my husband, dad, brother, doesn't treat me with respect. Maybe it means that he does treat me with respect and it's awesome, so I would return the favor.

Ya heard?

If I Were a Boy...

I'd wonder in awe at the new appendages on the outside of my body.

I'd get a lot more sleep because I wouldn't have to factor in time to do my hair and makeup.

I'd eat whatever the hell I wanted to, because I wouldn't gain weight. 

If I did gain weight, I'd work out once or twice and have lost 10 pounds, easy.

I'd have a great sense of humor. Making people, especially your woman, laugh and smile is the best. 

I would not be ashamed to get a manicure and pedicure.

I'd know how to say I'm sorry and admit when I'm wrong.

I'd make damn sure I knew how to please my lady in the bedroom.

I'd sleep with a woman to see how sex is different for men. 
But before we slept together, I'd ask for a blow job. 
You know you would, too!

I would give the women in my life — mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, daughters — a compliment every day, because I know how much it means.

I'd have guys night out. Is it more than sports, beer, poker and strippers?

I'd thank my woman for the little things she does.

I wouldn't feel the need to be macho around my guy friends. I'd be comfortable enough with our friendships to know that we can make plans to see a movie and that doesn't mean we are "gay."

I'd do my own laundry and dishes, and I'd put away my own clothes.

I'd pee in public, at least once.

I wouldn't be ashamed to share my feelings; I'd tell those who are important to me that I loved them.

I wouldn't worry about shaving, waxing, tweezing or any other annoying grooming habit women deal with.

What would you do if you were a boy? Go link up!




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Bachelor Recap: To The, Volume 2

Happy Tuesday, lovelies. I wrote this post last night - live blogging if you will - but I must have had too much wine with my Bachelor, because I forgot to hit publish.

Here's this week's Bachelor recap, in the form of "Letters to the Contestants."

To opening the show with Sean working out...again: "HOLY SHIT! Now THIS is something we've never seen before..." said no one ever, especially when watching the first two seconds of every episode of The Bachelor so far this season. You've got to be fucking kidding me. Get some new material. I'm not complaining, but..well no, I am, consider this a complaint.

To Lesley and Sean regarding their Guiness Record for longest kiss on screen: Apparently Sean felt Lesley's body "trembling," which is both weird and untrue. To say that you were both "lost in the moment" and "you forgot about the crowd..." First of all, I seriously doubt that. and I also seriously hope not. Who can block out a group of screaming tourists? And if that was you lost in the moment, I'd hate to see what you're like when it's just the two of you. You literally laughed the entire time you kissed and it was awkward for everyone.


(Granted, I don't blame you. I don't think I could do that with my husband. Lips on lips for 3 straight minutes? No tongues? No groping? No thank you.) Also, this might be the only time when lasting 3 minutes is acceptable.

To the girls on the group volleyball date. Grown women, crying on a beach, wearing matching body paint and bikinis is one of the saddest things I have ever seen.

Speaking of those bikinis, I'm confident that if I were ever to go on The Bachelor—which, let's be honest, I would never do, mostly because I'm smart, oh and married—I could never wear these supplied swimsuits. My boobs and butt are both too big. I'd be like the one girl wearing a towel.


Lastly, I think they had to rock paper scissors for a winner, because I truly don't believe anyone scored a real point the whole game. Terrible showing, ladies.


To Kacie B.: Have you learned nothing from your previous "journey" on The Bachelor? (Obviously not, because you're here for a second time.)

That aside, You KNOW it's the kiss of Bachelor death to talk about other girls during "your time." When he asks you why you're getting involved, the drunken look on your face tells America that you know you are in fact, not involved and that it is not, in fact, affecting you. We can sum this up by saying when the Bachelor calls you cray to your face, girl...you cray.

You will not be getting a rose, if not for this incident, but because your rose ceremony dress looked like a wet suit. (Spoiler alert: I was right.)


To Tierra's "fall" down the stairs:  Well played, Tierra. Clearly, you're the Michelle Money, Courtney Robertson, Justin Rego and Wes Hayden of this season. I just hope you don't think anyone believed you actually hurt yourself.
                                           source                                                  source

To Leo:  You lucky dog, you. In case you're wondering, this is a literal remark, "Sean" apparently surprised Sarah by having her dog show up in a limo.


Sean sent Kacie B., Taryn (the girl who doesn't compete for guys) and Kristy the model packing.

This doesn't have to do with this episode, but I'd just like to put it out there because the stair incident reminded me. Previews are never what they seem to be, am I right? For example, we saw the preview of Tierra & the paramedics no less than 100 times, leading us to believe that she got pushed down the stairs or some shit.

Remember the preview that shows a guy coming to knock on the door while Des and Sean are on a date? I'm calling it right now as a prank to get back at Sean for the stunt he pulled on their one-on-one. What do you guys think?

Until next week, when Robyn asks Sean if he wants to taste her chocolate, what were your favorite Bachelor moments?


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Happies & Crappies: Week 1

Happy Friday, lovers!

I'm really excited about this new linkup hosted by Stephanie and Sarah. It's basically just sharing your highs and lows of the week. Nice way to help you get perspective that perhaps not all that much is crappy in life.

The Vintage Modern Wife: Happies and Crappies Link Up

HAPPIES

Today is the start of a three-day weekend. Thank you, MLK Jr.

I got some new followers on the blog this week, and I've blogged almost every day.

Addy came home last Saturday! She had been in Iowa since Christmas while we were galavanting in Europe, and we missed her like crazy.

B and I had date night on Wednesday. Dinner at Chipotle and Zero Dark Thirty.

I booked my trip to Kansas City to be with my girls and go bridesmaid dress shopping.

My lawyer sent our demand to the insurance company for my car accident from July 2011...it's been a long process and I hope it wraps up soon!

I had Mac 'N Cheese (spirals, from a box) and wine for dinner last night and it was awesome.


CRAPPIES 

We had to shell out $500 to fix our furnace, which we found broken upon our return from Europe.

We had to pay that $500 on top of paying the mortgage, which is why I was having Mac 'N Cheese for dinner.

I only worked out once.

I didn't cook one meal. Almost everything was eating out or microwaveable.

I've been sick now for 2 weeks. Go away, cough!

It's freezing here in Chicago.

What were your Happies and Crappies this week?


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It's OK Thursday

It's THURSDAY! Which not only means that tomorrow is Friday (the start to a 3-day weekend), but it's also one of my favorite link-ups with Neely and Amber.

Its Ok Thursdays

It's OK....

  ...that every season, I tell myself I will not watch another episode of the Bachelor, American Idol, or whatever franchise is joining the Real Housewives...but I do anyway.

...that nearly every meal I've eaten this week has come from the microwave.

...that I forgot to put on my wedding rings today. 
Oopsies.

...to have days where I feel frustrated and annoyed with blogging, mostly because I feel like I'm writing to a non-existent audience.

...that I'm so short, when I sit on the bus (and a few select toilets), my feet don't touch the floor.

...that I didn't really make any New Year's resolutions.

...that on our Europe trip, I bought movies to watch on our travel days that included The Odd Life of Timothy Green, For a Good Time, Call..., and 10 Years. 
My husband was horrified, I had no shame in any of the purchases.

What's OK with you today?

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To The: Bachelor Edition

Happy Tuesday, kids.

I’m long overdue for a good old “To the” and by golly, there are enough from the first two episodes of that little show called The Bachelor (that I can’t seem to quit watching, no matter how horrible it is) to go around.

What is it with this show? It’s seriously like a fatal car accident — you don’t want to look, but you’ve never seen a dead body before.

Bottom line, these girls are cray cray and I. Love. It. Sit, back, grab a glass of wine, and relax folks. This is gonna be a long one.

To the opening montage on the first episode: We get it: Sean is the perfect, All-American man. He’s family-driven, he’s from the South, he has an amazing body, blond hair and blue eyes. But did you think that showing him cutting strawberries would add to that image? Note: It didn’t.

To the 25 women who signed up to be on the Bachelor: Have you never watched a single season of this show before? Do you honestly, sincerely think it’s going to be different for you?


To the one woman who signed up for this show a SECOND time: Kacie B., you learned the hard way last season. Yet here you are, again. You said last season, “Love like this comes along once in a lifetime.” Well, see, that's interesting, since you’re here…again. My money says you will lose…again.

To the girl who dressed and spoke like she was the Little Mermaid (Ashley H.): You’re also a clone of Princess Jasmine. Pick a freakin’ character. And while you’re at it, learn to speak. I couldn’t understand a GD word out of your mouth; I needed subtitles.


To the girl who fell trying to do a backbend coming out of the limo (Robyn): Sucks to be you, but kudos for not showing your vagine. Also, kudos for being the black girl to ask Sean if he likes black girls. Way to get an automatic rose.



To the girl with one arm (Sarah): We get it. You have one arm. I think you seem like a semi-normal girl, though your voice is a bit whiney, but I do wish the producers would let you talk about something else. Also, you said you are falling in love with Sean. You have been on one date.

To the model, Kristy: Are you a model? You’ve never said before.


To the other model, Amanda: I can’t tell if you’ll be around long enough to be the next “Courtney,” but I hope so. You seem like one nasty bitch.


To the girl who cried on the first night because she is not used to competing for a man and she's usually the one who’s approached (Taryn): I’m rolling my eyes so far back in my head, I look like the little girl on Poltergeist. Go cry to someone who cares, and who is not also competing against 25 other women. Again, I ask, have you ever seen this show? YOU’RE ON THE BACHELOR. Do something.


To “Fifty Shades of” Ashley P.: No one wants to tie you up with, let alone wear or touch, a neck tie that’s been stuffed down your cleavage and is likely wet with boob sweat, champagne and later, your tears.


To the girl who did not wear shoes the first night (Katie): Again: have you ever watched this show? Nasty shit goes down in this mansion, wear shoes at all times! No shirt, no shoes, no…well, I guess that doesn’t really apply here. Also, you need some frizz control tips from Kacie B.


To the final four: I haven’t read any spoilers this season, but I’m calling you now as Desiree, Lindsay, Catherine and Lesley.

To the helicopter: You are so last season.

Thoughts so far on this season? Who do you think makes the final four?

 
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